Moscow was colder than a motherfuck, and I was most unhappy the whole time, but its rather cool to see.

Cleanest city I’ve every seen was a smallish one in northern Italy near the Border.

Sinatra, not so much. I liked Martin and Davis a bit more. But if you are ever in a strange mood, look up the song “g’ling g’ling”. That’s my father. Might give an idea of why there’s not a ton of interest in Sinatra on my part.

He, btw, is the reason that the FBI already has a file on me, lol. And have had one since I was 6 months old. They (and a couple other groups) met me on the way to the bus following my discharge — updating it.

Leigh does have a point — sometimes hanging out too much with other transfolk is a PITA. For the most part, they are whiny and lacking confidence and you have to be pretty strong to deal with it all. BUt there’s value in it, as well — you can help those who are new and still struggling, and if you are open for it, you find tht you have strange connections with other gals that are as strong as family bonds.

Dallas, Leigh? Wow. Explains a lot. Almost as bad as San Francisco. (did I say that?)

Better than Austin, I suppose, though.

Never approach another T. Unless, say, it was Autumn or someone who is very out and open. Hell, I avoid them unless there’s a reason for me to do do so (like some stupid event or a support group).

I host a support group. In my home, every other week. Its open to anyone, so I get some oddities, but its about the only one I go to these days (save for my therapist’s, and then only ’cause she wants to keep an eye on me).

I’m not anti-gay, obviously.

So, overall, I think maybe you can see why I say I like Leigh. Our disagreements are based in particular philosophies, and beyond them we would get along very well, following the old rule: no sex, no politics, no religion.

Frank Sinatra’s music is timeless and I enjoy it very much. Still, I am not so old that I don’t appreciate some Lincoln Park and Nickleback too but of course for me the later Beatles are my favorite. On the other end of the scale I love orchestral and big band.

Alcohol for me is a social event. Growing up in England as I did, the Pub is part of the social fabric. All my extended family drink and we don’t have an alcoholic among us.

It’s always difficult to convey things online, none more so than subtle humor which I tend to use a lot and have misunderstood a lot. People think I am all sorts of nasty too. Fuck em if they cant take a joke.

To not know any other trans folk may be a blessing in disguise. I personnaly think the more you know the more screwed up your thinking becomes… dyss is a good example . My business partner is a WBT. She is also my best friend and we live and work together every day. She never gets involved in these discussions and mostly agrees with my POV on the subject. Susan is the only other WBT that I care to hang out with, although these days we live at opposite ends of the country and don’t see each other as much as when we all lived in Dallas. I have known a few others and for the most part I am quite happy that we don’t communicate. Funny thing, I don’t approach other T’s even if I know they are in the same room. It’s tantamount to walking up and saying you read them, and we all know how that is. Its best to just keep mum and act like you didn’t notice the elephant in the room. We all get read from time to time, even when we tell ourselves it didn’t happen, it happens, or maybe we think it does, and then it does. Key is that as long as you don’t confirm it, they are left with nowhere to go. All this out and proud shit is asking for trouble. I am anti-gay. I wasn’t always that way, but that was before the gays started assimilating me. Now I have no pity for them what so ever.

i don’t even touch alcohol except for two or three times out of the year, like New Years and such. But when i do, i do it with gusto, and have a hard time remembering what happened the next day. i’ve only been to a bar now twice in my life. It’s been with my boyfriend, when we decided to get out and sit in a dark corner together. i’m kinda small, and have a real low tolerance, so it only takes two or three and i’m having trouble standing up. Or walking. Or talking.

i don’t keep it under lock and key, but i try to stay vague about my age. It bothers me that so much of my life was wasted angry and depressed trying to be something i wasn’t. And people tend to develop pre-conceived attitudes and such toward you when they know your age. i either feel like a teenager, because of all my new experiences now, or i feel like i’m approaching 100, because of the experiences i’ve endured / suffered in the past.

The vast majority of what gets typed online would never be said to somebody’s face. Well, except maybe for me, but i’m kind of a bitch when somebody flips my switch. And the vast majority of the things that would be said would never be misinterpreted. Online communication is lame. i think i come off as a bigger, angrier bitch online than i actually am.

The whole blend / not blend, drag the group down / cut them / carry them, who is who isn’t thing is difficult for me.

i really don’t *know* anybody trans like me. i’ve tried a couple times. There’s a group of trans-whatever that meets here. i went to them, and i sort of stood there all nervous, and they sat there in their booth in the corner, staring at me but not offering an introduction, or anything. If anything they were glaring at me. They all must have been at least twice my age at the time. It was weird. i left.

i approached another T at an event a while back (i assume ‘she, and not drag queen). She just glared at me when i said ‘hi’. i left.

There have been several individuals that i have seen that were attempting to project the attempt of trying to attempt the attempt of being a woman. It wasn’t just sad, it made me very angry. Their walk, their dress, and everything about their behavior screamed sexually motivated crossdresser. And i’ve never got the crossdresser thing. i’ve never stuffed a bra, or worn a wig. i just do my thing. And i never had a problem with people like that, until lately when i see them with a straight face demand to be called and considered women.

To do so is to force me to participate in their sexual fantasy, and i refuse to do so. And the more i read and experience online, the more i’m realizing that it’s more rampant than i thought.

i liked Autumn Sandeen, and regularly read her columns. Then i made the mistake of stepping out of the party line and daring to question her in front of her swooning masses. She attempted to slap me down, and has ignored my emails to make it right. Since then, i have learned that this is her method with people that do not bow to her.

i consider her an enemy of the worst kind in my life: one who suppresses thought expression, and like i told Aria Blue, she’s going to choke on me hard for it now. And all of it could have been avoided if she just would have returned an email.

Monica Helms is nothing to me…just some woman who showed up yapping at me one day, baffled and outraged that i would dare to have a different opinion than hers. Honestly, i’m starting to get the feeling that the online community is bogged down with activists past their prime, who can’t adapt anymore, and try to force everything into thier view of the world. And they do all this with their first and foremost concern of maintain a tight grip on their little feifdoms and pockets of power.

My boyfriend has only dated cissexual women. He’s been with me the longest, because the others in his words ‘got on his fucking nerves’ after awhile. We were best friends for ten years before my transition, and when i did, he couldn’t handle it. We went our seperate ways for over a year. When we reconnected, he was mystified and intrigued, saying that it was like his best friend died and a twin sister showed up. It took a little bit of effort on my part to land him, but he is straight. Nobody seems to get that (or believe that, in the case of some post-ops). He has absolutely no interest in anything i do online, past reading my blog once and awhile to see what i’m up to. Lately he’s been getting annoyed at the time i spend online, so i may cut back a bit. It’s not a feminist-sickening thought. It’s a rational need to balance my partner’s needs. Priorities. He’s so intelligent and easy-going. i’m lucky to have him. Dys is right. It’s got to be hard dating someone like us.

i’ve been cat-called and hit on many times before, but mostly it’s just people staring at me a lot. i think it’s because i’m getting read. My BF thinks it’s because there’s just something about my presence that’s beyond my control. i don’t know.

We’re pro-LGB because we’re both atheists, and christian oppression is the reason gays cannot marry right now. Beyond that we wouldn’t be there at their side. Just being honest.

The assimilation point is one where we disagree. That’s political purpose differences.

Locally, there is one particular person. It would be wrong of me not to admit I have a really hard time calling him “her”. He has aspergers (something I dx’d before his shrink was willing to), and so his social skill base is pretty much for shit.

As Susan described it, he absolutely doesn’t “vibe” trans. He’s annoying, he’s a chaser in the worst sense of the term, and he’s basically messed up enough that I have literally called the psychiatrist he finally got to give him permission to start hormones and cussed her out because it will likely be bad for him.

She cussed me out for interfering, of course, and its my own damn fault.

He’s what I classify as a wannabe. A “transgender” person in the sense that he’s not a Type 5 or 6 transsexual by any stretch of the imagination.

Not classically (in the medical sense), not even politically. He’s more like St Rasmussen, the transgender crossdresser in Oregon.

I don’t pawn off the wannabe’s and crossdressers and genderqueers and other folks as transsexuals. I’ve said many times, as well, that the idea that a transsexual does a complete switch from one to the other is a limited idea — mostly because I’ve met transsexuals who were fine living in their birth gender but not their birth sex.

Catch is, unless I know them in person well enough to determine their mental state and, basically, perform a sort of diagnosis, I can’t say that some random person who looks like an ugly as sin woman (some would say mannish) that clams to be a transsexual, isn’t.

Not to use the authority fallacy, but I am competent in the field of psychology, and I can do such, assuming I bother with licensing again. Much like Dr, Phil, however, I decided not to relicense. Unlike him, I wasn’t sleeping with my clients — in my case I was getting close to taking them and beating their heads against walls.

This is why I use Trans* and Cis*. Those CD’s, TV’s (a term I find pretty much the same as CD in practical terms), GQ’s, and all the rest are not transsexuals. Even at the Blend, at Bilerico, on Topix, pretty much everywhere (including the damned ANTM boards for a while) I will always make a distinction between transsexuals and everyone else.

I correct Autumn, for example, pretty much unrepentantly (and, as a result, even my really good posts get ignored and snubbed there) when she does things like that. I do not treat the word transgender as applying to all transsexuals, nor do I let the word transsexual be synonymous with transgender.

Indeed, in case you didn’t know, I *hate* the word transgender. No aesthetic value, its meaningless outside of identity politics, it has no clinical or marked definition, and its used too heavily in the media to describe transsexuals.

Which is one of the reasons I went over to ENS and said you guys shouldn’t stop, you make a difference, btw. We agree there. I may go even further, in some ways, as I’m not adding a new term into the mix — I’m saying flat out they aren’t transsexual if I can establish such.

I can’t establish such about Autumn, for example. I can’t say she’s particularly pretty, but since I don’t drive, I ride a bus now and then and I’ve seen some women that look far worse than she does. But I can’t interact with her in a setting to do a dx, and if she’s gotten this far, she’s likely gotten one.

She does conflate the two terms. Drives me apeshit.

Trans*, when I use it, does not mean *just* transsexuals. When I want to talk about *just* transsexuals, I use “transsexual”. It means all those freaking possibilities. It means butch dykes and the most flaming guys. It means HBS, classic transsexuals, wanna be’s, the whole crapload.

But the reason I do this whole political thing is the transsexuals who can’t pass, won’t pass even with all the FFS in the world by surgeons above and beyond human skill. Hell, even though I can and do pass, I’m still stuck dealing with job crap.

And heh — I *still* got it. Within 15. (sorry, sociologist joke).

(sorry for this taking so long — while writing it I was educating on a website where someone talks about wanting to date a transsexual (using the word transgender), helping Kim Pearson plan a fundraiser for TYFA here at my house on thursday, and getting someone off to work on time.)

Thanks for seeing my sense of humor (however dark it may be, lol). ANd you are right about so many being uptight. If ya can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never learn how to laugh at others. And you miss the really good jokes!

I am comfortable with myself. Excepting that little thing about being a guy, I was comfortable with myself before transition. I knew myself, though — and found I liked the person beneath the shell, warts and all.

I think on thing you could use to define those who are stuck and those who are not is the idea of transition ending. To me, it does Absolutely, no question, its a journey from point A to whatever point is right for you, and in my case it was from point B to point G (boy to girl).

But a lot of them seem to think its never ending — and they are rather bothersome, to me, at least.

Anyway…

Autumn’s self aggrandizement *is* annoying — and she has full license to do so by Pam. Shit happens — and that’s not a battle I’m up for fighting. Takes time and energy and effort away from making sure people stop holding the name on my degrees against me when I apply for a job.

Les thought much the same as Rob at first, but he gets why I’m doing this, and comes from a similar background so he understands the point. I don’t fight for marriage equality because I really like gay folks, I fight because, well, this is the US, and there’s no good reason to stop it.

He’s straight as well (and has proposed several times, but I won’t move to Nashville) — very straight. I worry at times about him. Having someone like me for a girlfriend — exclusive of the trans stuff — has got to be hard.

Last President I really liked was Ford. Reagan was just fortunate, lol. Bush 2 I was an elector for AZ in 2004 and I’ve been kicking myself ever since (and somewhat before — after 9/11, I started hating him big time).

And oddly enough, no — I don’t say I’m queer. Hell, I don’t even say I’m trans. I just say I have a boyfriend. The one’s that freak me out are the women.

Still out and proud — and by the time I run for office, I won’t have to worry about it anymore, lol.

As for being queer, though, its fairly obvious: I am very different, very strange, very odd. Just because the connotation of the word has changed, that doesn’t mean the meaning has.

ANd thanks for the explanation, btw — that’s very clear, and wonderfully concise (something I envy you is your brevity). Will respond to that in a bit — might help us see where we are in line and where we are not.

——————-

.. still, must be difficult having to tell them straight guys that your queer, and of course I know you do since you say that being out and proud is the best way … “your words”

ok…. lol

I have no idea who is a transsexual and who isn’t. I also really don’t care. Where I do care is when someone sets themself up as an activist and then tries to palm off the wannabe’s and the screw jobs as being legitimate transsexuals, simply and for no other reason than they say they are. (TRANSGENDER) I have no problem with them calling themselves crossdressers, transvestites, queer gay boys or anything else, but I dont like them calling themselves transsexual simply because they “discovered themselves” through the magic of the internet. It really irks me. I believe that you dyss, are transsexual. The fact that you are also queer by your own admission, and the fact that you get hit on at gay bars simply tells me that you are a homosexual transsexual. I have been to plenty of gay bars in my lifetime and I can honestly say that I have never been hit on by gay men… never! I am hit on in straight bars and thats where I mostly hang out when I hang out at all, but even at 58 (cough) .. yes I do still get hit on.

The one thing that sets dyss apart from the other activist nutcases, and makes me feel comfortable with her, is that she has a sense of humor. I think that it’s terribly important to be able to laugh at ones self and the situation we find ourselves in. So many of them are so damned uptight, just tells me they are not comfortable with themselves. All this activism, like with Sandeen and Helms for instance, it’s all so much camoflage for not actually having to be a female. They can say that they are putting their lives on hold, while doing the work of the community… how bloody convenient for them. Sandeen in particular has almost reached a god like status that is just so sickening and stinks of self rightousness. Sandeen is a transgender, and is the epitomy of such. I find it quite disgusting.

I am never gonna do a blog… Firstly, my husband Rob would not stand for it. He really doesn’t like that I am blogging at all and feels that it perpetuates what I was, and not what I am. I know he is right. On the other hand there are so few of us speaking out on this that I feel it’s important enough to risk his displeasure. I am sure Susan is balancing the same scales. It is rather difficult to do this when your husband is straight, and I don’t mean bi, I mean married for 18 years straight and a string of girlfriends before and after. I know that it must be psychologically difficult for him, although he says very little. So no .. thats not gonna happen.

For the record, I am neither repub or liberal. I liked Reagan, Clinton, and I hated both Bushes. I like Obama but consider him a wuss.

Hey dyss, dont let the FBI see your world map .. lots of commie countries on there

The world I saw when I was younger was not always a happy place, but my world map is at the bottom of this page: http://www.dyssonance.com/?page_id=85 (click on my age and see my birth cert).

I do drink. Just very rarely — had a couple beers the other night and was totally smashed. But, um, I generally avoid the bar scene as it seems the only one’s I can go into without getting hit on constantly are the gay men ones. And, well, I generally don’t like gay men in groups when alcohol is mixed in. Or most groups when alcohol is mixed in (I have, after all, been working with transfolk fighting substance abuse, including alcohol, for what, two years now?).

ATG — yeah. I would *love* to just get together and do exactly that. The common ground is wide and deep and broad and pretty cool. ANd it *is* there. Leigh knows it. I know it. You know it.

The catch is that we haven’t met in person. We can’t see each other’s expressions, our faces, see the way we interact. Much as I hate to say it, but for a sociopath like me, that’s kinda important. People take things I say with a grin as if I threaten them with a knife online. Susan, for example.

Also, there is a difference between the political and personal. With Leigh and I, its basically that she wants nothing to do with anything but transsexuals — and the one’s who ring true, which she knows is something I absolutely know what she’s talking about since I have the same “radar”. She believes that the rest of them slow us down and that the attention people like me draw is bad for us. We know when we meet another, and when you ae in a room and there’s two dozen people and only three go bing, its a bit strange.

(Correct me if I’m wrong there, Leigh).

For me its about the things I was taught as a baby republican: honor, integrity, being a meanie when people piss you off, freedom and equality for everyone. Blah blah blah. Small government, give me my damn guns and watch it, etc.

Lots of common ground. Lots of stuff we’d be great friends over otherwise. Hell, one of the things we have already is a penchant for sneaking zingers in, LOL. I don’t take them too personally, I don’t think Leigh does either.

I kinda wish Leigh would start her own blog, really. She’s pretty darn cool.

Fly me to the moon ….

It’s so nice to go travelling ..

So dyss, how much of the world have you explored?

As a teen, I hitchiked Europe, from Amsterdam, through the German countryside, down the Rhine to Austria, across the Swiss Alps, down into Venice, East to Milan and Monte Carlo, along the french riviera and North to Paris, through Belgium then stowed away on a boat back to England. Years later I hopped a one way ticket to Los Angeles and never looked back.

Anon .. I don’t think Dyss drinks .. “Or, worse, let’s hit another bar.” !

Damn .. You youngsters need to live a little

i swear to whatever god you believe in that if i had the money, i would fly the three of us somewhere to talk over drinks for a day.

There’s something of staggering value to be found. i’m sure of it.

i’m just losing hope that it’ll ever be found.

As opposed to exploring the world, learning about themselves, working to make things better for themselves and their families.

No — the one’s doing the whining are too focused on the problem, and not thinking about the solution.

And I *did* say she was right. My comment is still there. Its an opposing opinion. Proof positive.

SO, actually, yes, Leigh. Its how you say it.

There’s common ground, Leigh. Just variance in philosophy

You said, “Assimilation is for those who want to be just like “everyone else”. It is a selfish concept.”

You mean like the Gays and Lesbians that want to be able to marry, like everyone else .. yes ?

You said “Assimilation isn’t possible for some” ..

reading, swimming, flying, skydiving, driving a car etc., isn’t possible for some. Does that mean we should all stop doing those things so they don’t feel bad?

You said .. “I find that “everyone else” to be, well, pretty freaking pathetic. Stuck in boring, humdrum monotony, lives led without much more than what’s for dinner and what tv show will we watch tonight. Or, worse, let’s hit another bar.”

You mean as opposed to what? Catching the red eye to Paris at the drop of a hat? Attending gala’s and openings of the local school districts 4H club? Hanging out at Pride parades to shock all those boring humdrum people into some envigorating lifestyle?

You said “Everything *is* someone’s fault. Good stuff, bad stuff, indifferent stuff. Someone’s to blame, someone’s responsible”

just not the ones doing the whining … right?

You said “Fine. Let them. Just like the local activists here in Phoenix, with their “parties” and “events” where they “network” and “socialize” and claim to be getting something done.”

Wait! .. Is’nt that what you saying the humdrum, boring people of the world should do rather than watch TV and contemplate what’s for dinner ?

You said “But opposing opinions are allowed. Insulting one’s aren’t. Large difference that you are indeed aware of.”

Actually … NO! .. Opposing opinions are considered insulting at PHB. For instance if I were to say that Mara Kieslings statment that most transgender people are not surgically tracked was true, I can assure you that many people would consider my statement insulting, just as Sandeen considered Mara Keislings statement insulting.

Anonymous T Girl posted on TNG that we should try to find common ground. It is plainly obvious to me from the above that there is no common ground to be found. I like you though, and I respect you’re opinion, but we will never share the same opinions, at least on this.

Assimilation isn’t possible for some — you’ve admitted that as much as I have. We disagree on what they should be left with, though. You say they shouldn’t transition. I say that if they need to — that if that bell has gone off, and they must do it, then they should.

Because I reached a point where it was do it or basically kill myself and everything around me. Not everyone is like that; thankfully, most people don’t have the violent streak I do.

Assimilation is for those who want to be just like “everyone else”. It is a selfish concept.

I find that “everyone else” to be, well, pretty freaking pathetic. Stuck in boring, humdrum monotony, lives led without much more than what’s for dinner and what tv show will we watch tonight. Or, worse, let’s hit another bar.

Everything *is* someone’s fault. Good stuff, bad stuff, indifferent stuff. Someone’s to blame, someone’s responsible. I do agree, its a place where a great deal of whining and sniveling and venting goes on. This post was placed there, and rather than highlight it, they let it be buried.

They’d rather not speak to hope and yearning and love.

Fine. Let them. Just like the local activists here in Phoenix, with their “parties” and “events” where they “network” and “socialize” and claim to be getting something done.

Difference is that locally they get drunk and then forget the next day, while at pam’s they cry into their cups.

But opposing opinions are allowed. Insulting one’s aren’t. Large difference that you are indeed aware of.

What you may not be aware of is why its insulting. Which is pretty much the reason you disagree with a lot of their stuff.

You and I both know you can call someone an asswipe without actually using that word. The trick is in doing it in a manner that escapes them.

not to be something else entirely

whilst constantly whining about being set aside.

Read PHB.

Constant Whiners Central

Everything is someone else’s fault

Nobody is allowed to have an opposing opinion

all branded as hateful, bigoted and phobic

I’ll take my bed, though, even if I’m not to keen on making it