How to spot a transsexual, transgender, or gender variant person

Long time readers will know that I’ve covered this particular subject in the past.  Which is mostly because I have. Here.

That post, by the way, is the single most often visited post on this blog.  Bar none. It is twice as popular as the next closest thing, which is a page.

When you read blogs about, well, blogging (which, apparently, is an industry in and of itself, with all manner of things you can do to acutally make money from your blog, although the only people I know of who make money form their blogs are straight, cis, white men), one of the things they suggest is to re visit your most popular post from time to time.

To which I sorta have to laugh my ass off and chuckle at the idiocy of trying to reduce something as broad based as blogging to a simple set of rules that are intended to increase your readership.

But, eh, what the hell.  Let’s give it a shot, shall we?

So here’s how you spot a transsexual, transgender, or gender variant person without actually having to do all the stuff I noted before in the previous post.

First off, you should know that all the standard stuff you will encounter as you wander the wilds of your piss poor google fu is a comlete crock of shit written about by people who are usually f’d in the head.

Now, I say that based on some basic assumptions that I probably shouldn’t be making, chiefly that most of the people who google that are people who are looking to find out if that slightly deep voiced, broad shouldered woman they just had a hella good time with was “really a man”, or women who are wondering if the guy they were just out with that was totally awesome is “really a woman”.

There are, however, some people that ask that question because they want to know how they know they are a trans person.  And that’s a good question, which I will deal with next post.

So, for the most part, I’m addressing the people who are worried, concerned, curious, confused, upset, wondering, stressing out over, or otherwise dealing with some form of anxiety relating to a person they have encountered (and possible had sexual relations of some form or other with) and whether or not that person happens to be what those whose job it is to deal with all of this stuff have generally started calling “trans” until such a time as we all decide to change it once more so all you people who aren’t trans (which we call “cis” people) will still have no clue what you are talking about and givuing us even more opportunity to laugh at you.

wait, I meant laugh with you. I think.  Maybe.  If anyone was offended non apology sort of stuff.

in any case, in order to understand the answer to your question, you have to understand the question you just asked.  No, you don’t understand it,. You *think* you understand it, because you’ve seen a few really shitty tv shows or maybe watched a couple episodes of some daytime talk show that is intentionally fucking with your head in order to make you watch it next time so they can sell advertising space to people who are slowly rotting your mind with far more effectiveness than the Hulu aliens.

See, those things you saw a re a lot like deciding to go vacation on the gulf coast because you saw one of their tourist industry ads sponsored by a bp acting under a combination of court orders and really crappy press for fucking the gulf up.

Whereas here, you get something closer to the truth.

Trans people are a big bunch of different sorts of people unified by something called transness. Some people who aren’t trans but need to study such stuff came up with a term called “gender identity dysphoria” and various related terms for it.

All of them, though, are bound by that transness, and that makes them a trans person. A trans person is someone who does not conform to their society’s expectations of how someone of their physiological sex assigned at birth is supposed to be in the culture they live in .

Now, there are degrees of transness.  That is, sometimes a person’s transness is really weak, and other times it is very strong. And that is why you have all these other terms that trans people fight over all the freaking time.

Really — I mean, like they fight about this stuff like it was the last edible thing on the planet and they were in some sort of arena.  Hungr Games ain’t got nothing on this, if you know what I mean there,

Anyway, so here’s the thing — transgender and transsexual pretty much mean the same thing, except to trans people.  Whom, as I noted, will argue over that stuff until they starve to death.

Now, if that’s what it means when you ask about how to spot, or how to tell, or any of the other things, , then the rest should be easy.

Look at the culture you live in.

I generally stick to US culture.  I have lots of reasons that have to do with all kinds of sciencey type stuff that makes people’s heads hurt, but being an egomaniac bitch has its advantages, and that’s one of them.

Here, most people (but not all) expect women to generally sound, look, act, behave, dress, and otherwise act the part of a woman.  And “everyone knows what makes a woman a woman”.

Including you.  Now, being the aforementioned egomaniac bitch, I would ask you what makes a woman and woman, but I also know that odds are you’ve never really thought about the question, and if you have, it will come down to something like making babies and related sexist drivel that I haven’t time for.

Unless, of course, you talk about things like soft skin, long hair, smiles, skirts, tits and ass.  In which case please don’t ever say any of that out loud if you want to successfully navigate a world where half the population has a 60% chance of gutting you.

I will note that trans women have all those things, if they happen to want them. Cis women have those things, if they happen to want them.

Trans women, of course, don’t get pregnant.

Now, in the other direction, trans men tend to have facial hair and body hair and deep voices.

I should note that the collective phrase “trans women” means people who were assigned the “male” sex at birth, and became women when they grew up.  Like the gal whose picture marks this page and is the one that wrote it.

“trans men” means people who were assigned “female” sex at birth, and grew up to be men.

Which is pretty much different from how it works out for most people.

Let’s look at the odds, though, shall we?

1 in 500 is a fairly conservative estimate for the number of persons who are basically trans to a great enough degree that it affects their lives and you may have a chance of running into them.

So out of every 500 young boys you knew, odds are about 50/50 that one of them is now a woman.  The reverse for the girls you knew as now being men.

So how can you tell?

Flat out, there’s only a couple ways of doing this.  The first is to ask them.  Be warned, most women who you ask are going to slap you for this, including a great many women who are trans women. I couod point out that slapping you is because being trans is, for some idiotic reasons, seen as a sort of insult.

Like there was something wrong with it.

The other way is to read that description above and realize that any woman wearing pants, with short hair, and no make up is probably trans in some way.

Of course, if you follow that route, then you are likely to get yourself into all kinds of trouble, since you may find yourself thinking a very butch lesbian is trans, or a very feminine man is trans, or, hell, that your own parents might be trans if they grew up in the 1960′s.

There is, of course, a solution to this problem, but I have learned from experience that most folks who have this question tend to refuse or fight against this solution, which is surprisingly simple.

Nevertheless, I will give it out, and hope that in the interest of something akin to public service it does some good.

Stop worrying about it.

Seriously.  So what if they are trans?  I mean, *really* — think about it.

Are you worried about what your friends and family will think? Are you afraid you might suddenly be turned gay by finding some trans guy totally hot?

If either of those two things are true, then you genuinely have greater problems in your life that you need to look at, and I’m not saying that to be snarky or mean or anything of that sort, I’m saying it because it is a serious problem that you should spend some time on.

And no, you probably don’t need a therapist to deal with that.  You may need to expand your familiarity with the world, and get out of the small minded circle of people you tend to associate with (which is ok, mind you — most people hang out with a small group of people who tend to reinforce their collective prejudices.  This is something that I end up having to break through rather often).

Here’s the thing — if you don’t want to date a girl who has something you don’t expect, then don’t go looking for such a girl.  If you don’t want to be fooled, well, then, you’ve been listening to a lot of people who are fucking idiots.  If you think that you will somehow become less of a man or a woman because you might possibly have had an encounter, well, then, you have been spoon fed a bunch of horseshit by some asswipe.

And, I will note that said asswipes make a lot of money feeding you that horseshit.  I’ve seriously considered getting into the business myself.  It is a hell of a lot easier than trying to shovel the horseshit they spew, that’s for sure.

None of those things, however, actually have anything to do with whether a person is trans or not. If you fall and accidentally slip your dick into some woman, and it turns out she had her pussy worked on by a surgeon (as opposed to some asinine politician with eyes on votes from a base of fuckwits), well, then guess what?

You stuck your dick into a woman who had her pussy worked on by a surgeon.

And if that possibility scares you, well, really, dude, you have some deep issues and you need to get help because you are totally being an utter wuss about it. I mean, shit, we haven’t even gotten to the question of her willingness to have you fall and slip your dick in her. And that’s a whole hell of a lot more important.

Incidentally, for anyone who reads this and is having issues, please do me the favor of never hurting a girl or guy after you have found out they are trans. It would save a lot of money for a lot of people (so you would be helping the economy recover), and it makes it less likely that I will ever have to look a judge in the eye and say I was in Bermuda at the time, you honor, and I have no idea where in the cast and often untraveled desert the various pieces of your body can be found.

Just saying…

 


-- Download How to spot a transsexual, transgender, or gender variant person as PDF --