Sooner or later I’ll stop laughing

Or at least I hope so.

You see, I have a bad habit – sometimes, when people decide they don’t like me, I don’t stop liking them. So I follow along in their lives when possible. I don’t comment (and indeed, there are some places I have stopped commenting in order to avoid making them feel unwelcome), but I still catch up on the soap opera of their lives n much the same way that people catch up on the soap opera of my life – except I tend to share less of the daily stuff and more of the “activist” and “thinking” stuff.

Something that will likely change in this next year given the way things are going.

And this evening after getting home from a day that involved construction work, getting my nails done, and buying cleaning supplies (so I can get all domestic *eye roll*). I hit up the places I have in a set of bookmarks called “Weekend Check-ins”, and among one of them was a link to a particular site that, after sitting there with a half grin on my face had me laughing my ass off.

I’m sure some of you are wondering why. Others, well, they already know…

I’ve met and known and talked with a lot of transsexuals, a lot of genderqueer folks, transgender types, the whole mélange of various identities that can all be described as transgender, which, as was pointed out previously, can all be described as transgender, since the general public sees it as all the same freaking thing. However, it’s important to note that the people who can all be described that way don’t all identify that way, and, indeed, become so enamored of a particular identity that they literally decide to commit a fascist act and “take it over” in the name of saving it, since, of course, they know the only people who really belong to that identity.

And it is absolutely amazing the vast variety of ways in which they decide to eliminate who is and who isn’t a transsexual.

So let’s give them all an equally valid set of truths and see who actually is and who actually isn’t, shall we?

No one who is a Democrat is a transsexual. Seriously. This one was argued with me for about seven hours straight by a group of trans folk in northwestern Phoenix. All of them transitioned in their 20’s and 30’s, all of them live stealth, and all of them are post operative and very, very straight. None are younger than 60. According to them, only someone who is Republican or Libertarian can be transsexual since only those people are capable of making the transition since they have to be fiscally sound, independent and survivalist, and able to deal with the psychological assholes who control who can do what in this immoral age.

No one who starts transition older than 16 is a transsexual. If you were really a transsexual, then you would have transitioned anyway, and not cared what parents or teachers or forces in the world did. This one was a three day argument – with a group of people of various ages (68 down to 17) who all, strangely enough, transitioned before the age of 16. Most ran away from home, most are out of fundamentalist Christian backgrounds, and most are, well, republican or republican leaning. Unless you’ve suffered the way they did, your arguments are stupid, hollow, and, in the end, you are colonizing their lives and taking over their stuff, because you are a lightweight wannabe who didn’t have any real courage or strength.

No one who is a hooker is a transsexual. Transsexuals don’t have sex before transition – and they don’t marry before hand, either, so if you’ve ever been married before you started transition (or, literally, even had sex), then you are not a transsexual.

Anyone who doesn’t hook isn’t a transsexual. Transsexuals will do whatever they have to do to get the money to transition, and everyone knows you can earn 50K a year as a hooker. (This is true, btw – easily so). You’ll never guess where this one comes from.

No one who skips SRS is a transsexual. I call this the aborted penis ploy, since it has the same sort of “allowances” as abortion does – for health and safety. It’s *barely* ok if you don’t have surgery because you are physically unable to do so (and it’s usually suggested just kill yourself, get it over with, since life will be horrible for you). Money is a good excuse – but only if you have at least 3 grand (in today’s dollars) saved. Indeed, the people I hear this sort of argument from are usually willing to suggest all manner of pie in the sky ways for you to get the rest of your money.

No one who dresses according to some strange code of dress is a transsexual. This one is difficult to navigate, as some transsexuals say it’s about dressing your age, others say it’s about dressing too provocatively, others say its’ about not dressing provocative enough, and on and on it goes – there are those who say you have to dress in sweats and t shirts, others who say you can only dress in skirts and slacks and all of it inevitably expressed in a manner that says “you are not presenting the proper appearance”, and, as a result, you are not transsexual.

I will point out that if you ask them what clothing has to do with being a transsexual, they often say nothing.

Anyone who doesn’t pass isn’t a transsexual. This one was interesting for me, and happened early on in my transition. A picture readily found on the internet was being used of some overweight gal in San Francisco in this week long argument, and it was pointed out that they didn’t pass, and therefore they weren’t transsexual. I looked at the picture and saw this gal and while she was pretty homely and obviously rather drunk at the time I noted she passed to me – she might be ugly, but, she was an ugly woman. So I defended her (in my own way, of course – I’m rather blunt that way), and, of course, it was pointed out that she was a horrible person.

A couple years later I found out that she was indeed a horrible person – and someone who ran around telling other people who was and who wasn’t a real transsexual. But she passed. Or did she? Passing is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyone who fails the patented Daylight Test is not a real transsexual. You see, real transsexuals were always meant to be women, and only women can pass the daylight test. It took me a good three weeks under near daily supervision to master the Daylight Test’s intricacies – basically, it’s the passing at a distance of less than 10 feet in voice, manner, and appearance in bright sunlight on a day with at least an 80 degree temp. Because if your makeup runs, you fail.

Only good people are real transsexuals. This one was an outgrowth of the other argument over the fat one. It’s basically a dictatorial “if you disagree with me you are not a real transsexual” argument, and is used usually in conjunction with one or more of the others. In fact, come to think of it, its used by all of them.

Anyone who transitions before the age of 40 is not a real transsexual. This one was decided by a large group of Nebraska based gals I ran into online all of whom were post op and all of whom were very, very white and its basically the same argument as the after 16 one – but in their case, you had to have lived as a man in order to understand you were a woman.

Only people with small penises are real transsexuals. That’s right, if, erect, you have a penis longer than 2 inches prior to transition, you are not a real transsexual.

People who seek SRS are not real transsexuals. Because the surgery is only recent, and so it’s a fetish to want it – real transsexuals just lopped everything off in the old days, and that’s what a real transsexual is.

(And, again, yes, all of these explanations came from transsexuals I know. Actual transsexuals. And, inevitably, they all told me I wasn’t such when I disagreed with them. )

There are more. About 10 more I can generally recall.


So, In light of all this information, I have determined that the only real transsexuals are people who never talk about this stuff because they are too busy having a real life to bother with it.

And yes, I do indeed realize what this means, lol.