On How To Spot a Transgender

So you have googled. You have read. You have tried to figure out how to spot one of those transgenders you are hearing so much about on the news of late.

Well, I know how.  I am an expert on those transgenders, you see. For real. I have spent over a decade studying them. I do this work professionally.  I have dealt with, personally, over 10,000 of them. I even provided professional services to 5,000 of them directly.

So let me tell you the first thing I know about this: all those other sites you have read where they talk about finger length and front bulges and jawlines and adam’s apples and such?

They all are lying to you.

Which is not to say that in some cases that stuff doesn’t work, but when you decide to crotch grab that deep voiced gal with the buzzcut and end up in jail for sexual assault and labeled a sexual predator for the rest of your life, do not blame me. I told you that was bullhockey.

Now, some of you are wanting to know how to spot them when they are going into the bathroom. Because of the recent news stuff.  This one is easy:

You can’t.  Not with any certainty.  Even if they have a beard — because, factually, there are going to be guys required to use the women’s restroom under some of these bills.  Let me show you something:

That Dude right there? THe one with the beard? These laws say he has to use the women’s restroom.

As you can likely tell, that isn’t going over well. I can tell you, as a woman, if I saw him in there, I’d be freaked out. I mean, that’s a guy.

Meanwhile, you are probably thinking “ok, so, you know I mean those guys in dresses that pretend to be girls”.

Yeah, I know.  They are called Drag Queens. THey can be straight, gay, something in between, none of the above, but one thing is true of a lot of them and that is they are dudes.  After the show is over, they take all that pretend girl stuff off.

And they only use the girls room when they are working.

Now there are folks like crossdressers.  Who are, for the most part, so freaking afraid of people treating them like crap that they only do things in groups and in private.

I know that a lot of folks think they are into weird sexual stuff, but, um, not really, At least none of the one’s I’ve met.

Now, those aren’t necessarily transgenders. I know some transgenders who are drag queens, but they are trying to make a living and that’s pretty hard. For anyone.

Some crossdressers realize they are transgenders later on down the road. Others don’t.

So even there, its hard to tell.

So let me tell you the real trick to knowing.  There is only one, and I have found it always works for me.

You ask them.

Be polite, mind you. Nothing you want to get on the bad side of like an upset transgender. They will tell you where to go.

Now, there is a risk when you ask this question.

If you ask a woman who isn’t transgender, she is going to be mad as all hell. Probably slap you. Some really pretty transgenders will too — because they don’t think it is any of your damn business asking them a question like that.

OF course, truthfully, and if you are going to be honest, then you have to admit that you don’t have any business asking someone that question. But hey, let’s be real here — you aren’t worried about doing the right thing here.

You want to know how to spot those damned transgenders, and if we are going to be really honest, you want to know how to spot them for one of three reasons:

  • You want to avoid finding one attractive and possibly hit on them.
  • You want to find one that is attractive and hit on them.
  • You just want to find one and hit them as hard and as often as you possibly can.

I mentioned that I know a lot of these transgenders. Some of them I know are so pretty they make me want to just give up trying, you know?

Others do not look as pretty.  I know some who tell me they look like my husband. Who is dead. The cancer.

Then again, I know some nice upstanding ladies down at the senior center who look like my husband. Who is dead. The cancer.

Now, I don’t just know a lot of them personally, I know a lot through social media and via the internet.  Some of them — including one I looked on as a daughter — are dead now.

They ones who are dead are mostly black girls, native american girls, and latina girls. Including a lot of the ones that are dead now.

Here’s the thing about how all of them died:

Some shithead like you went and did option three up there for the reason they wanted to know. SO let me explain something to you really clearly:

You dumbass piece of shit, if you are wanting to beat a woman to death — even you don’t “believe” she’s a woman although you haven’t the brains god gave a fuckin turnip on the subject of what is and isn’t a woman — then you damn well better hope none of those former Army Rangers and other Veterans find out.

The police? Well, they best not either — murder is a crime and just because you don’t like them isn’t a defense for it.

Because a lot of those transgenders served in the military, They are war veterans. And they get a little pissy about folks beaten up one of their own.

Now, for the other two reasons…

You don’t want to date a trans woman, trust me, she ain’t gonna wanna date you unless you are just the coolest dude ever. That includes you ladies.

And you won’t be the coolest dude ever. A lot of them transgenders, they get this vibe about people who are dickwads about them. THey give themselves away.

Hell, statistically speaking, you have already hit on and been rejected by a trans woman.

You just didn’t know it.

SO if you don’t want to date one, then don’t stress it. Because they generally don’t like bigoted fucks with transphobia on the breath.

Now if you want to date one, well…

You’ll have to stick around for a while. I have a post for you that’s coming up in a few days.

SO, to sum up:

How do you spot a transgender?

You ask, and you hope you keep your nuts in their sack.

Why do you need to? You don’t. Unless you are an ignorant, uneducated douchebag who thinks they really need to do something decent fucking people don’t do.

And you ain’t a decent person.